Bobby Rush and the Race Card

Well fresh off the Coveted ABM Idiot of the Week award, we already have next week's Iow (It's my award so I can shift the calendar as I wish to recognize true stupidity). After Governor Kickback ignored all caution and appointed Roland Burris to fill Obama's senate seat, we had Bobby "Pocketfull of Race Cards" Rush stepping up to the plate saying anyone who opposes the appointment is racist.

Ok, the ABM tries at all cost to avoid profanity and keep our dialogue at a high level, but I ask your indulgence just this once...

BULLSH*T! Don't insult our intelligence Bobby Rush!

Come on Congressman Rush, we're not that stupid. Roland Burris might be the epitome of integrity and a candidate for sainthood, but he's stained. Just to accept the appoitment casts doubts on his judgement given the political context(last week he called Blago reprehensible) and today his defenense of Blago smacks of WFIM (What's in It for Me) . I think Burris has already displayed he is not up to the challenge. Granted he is 71, has run for governor (defeated in the primary by of all people Blago) and Senate with no success, so this is his last chance. This does not justify his selling his soul and aforementioned integrity to defend the indefensible.

Now back to Bobby Rush. The ABM is outraged that BR would toss the Race Card on this one (there's enough real racism still out there that this "card" should be reserved for real cases. There's no racism in this at all. We have a governor on FBI tape saying he's going to give the seat to the highest bidder and when his tail is caught in a crack, he appoints a Black man (who by all accounts would be very qualified to serve) to change the game.

Message to Bobby Rush: BR we're beyond all that shyt. In 2008 we will support the candidate who represents our interests (see President-elect Obama) not just based on skin color. Yes, we do need more black senators, but I damn sure don't want the only Black senator to be wreaking with the stench of corruption from day one. He will be ineffective as a senator no matter how qualified he is. I don't care if he's blue, any appointee of Blago at this point is unacceptable.

The Audacity of...well Audacity

Ok, hot off the press, this year's Idiot of the Year is Illinois governor Rod "I'm Innocent" Blagojevich! There was never any competition really, but today, said Idiot really raised the bar by appointing former state Attorney General Roland Burris to file President-elect Obama's senate seat. Well Blago has taken political corruption to new heights in trying to sell the senate seat. Even though the FBI has him on tape he's denying everything. (Kinda like former Congressman William "Cold Cash" Jefferson from Louisiana who was narrowly defeated by a Repugnican in a 60% democratic district after the feds found $90,000 in marked bills in his refrigerator (the people of New Orleans need their head examined for even making him the Democratic nominee (note to Democrats...I'll call you out too if you dont' clean out your closets...the ABM's wrath is not solely reserved for the Repugnicans)

Now Roland Burris may be the salt of the earth and a great guy, but his candidacy will always be stained with Blago's stench. This is the same guy who was calling Blago's actions reprehensible last week...until Blago decided to use him a a token creating a dilemma for those who would oppose the appointment...criticize the appointment at the expense of being called a "racist" for opposing the appointment of a black man (see next post on Bobby Rush and the Race Card).

So let's all give Governor (hopefully soon-to-be-inmate Blagojevich a round of applause for raising idoicy to historic heights. He's a one of a kind dumbass and deserves this coveted recognition as the ABM's Idiot of the Year. Governor...take a bow, you really outdid yourself.

Man shoots talker at movies, police say...

Ok, come on now folks, is it really that serious? Apparently for James Joseph Cialella, 29, of Philadelphia it was, as he opened fire and shot a man for talking during a Christmas Day showing of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". According to police Cialella told the family sitting in front of him to be quiet. An argument followed and Cialella then approached the family threw popcorn on the little boy then shot the father in the arm, as he was standing between Cialella and his family, according to the police report.

So this is how they celebrate Christmas in the City of Brotherly Love? I know my friends in Philly will take exception, but I really think this guy is probably a frustrated Eagles and/or Sixers fan who snapped because his woman forced him to watch a chick flick while he was suffering from an overdose of Tryptophan, holiday beverages and bad college bowl games.

Good thing it wasn't a real good action flick, this fool might have shot up the whole theater. Fortunately the shooting victim is recovering and Mr. Itchy Trigger Finger is locked up in the Philadelphia jail.

Idiot of the Week - Christmas Week Edition

Ok folks, in the spirit of the holiday season, the original ABM plan was to forego selecting an IoW this week...you know, peace on earth and goodwill to all men...but, good idiots never rest, not even for the Yuletide season, so I have been forced to scrap that plan, shake off my Tryptophan-induced stupor and call out another dubmass who has distinguised himself through world class-level stupidity. No folks, this one could not wait until next week. This distinguished idiot is none other than Chip Saltsman, a Tennessee Repugnican, who has been linked to Mike Huckabee and Bill Frist in past campaigns.

It seems that this fool sent out hundreds of holiday music CDs with included a song entitled "Barack the Magic Negro" which is sung to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon". The song first aired on the radio show of repugnican has been, Rush Limbaugh. Well maybe Rush was high on Oxycontin as usual, but what's this Saltsman fool's excuse. You can read the full text of the article on CNN here : http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/12/26/rnc.obama.satire/index.html

You know I won't waste too much time on this one...it is what it is. The Repunicans just don't get it. This idiot is acuatlly a candidate for Chairman of the Repugnican Nat'l Party...oh I pray he wins. Given their track record of being stuck somewhere between the Dark Ages and the Civil War, I would not be surprised if they make him Chairman. And to think these jackasses are standing around scratching their heads wondering why they just lost the election in landslide proportions at every level from President down to local school board. They just can't figure out why 96% of Blacks, 67% of Hispanics and 56% of woman (ok, ladies, you probably are smarter than us guys) voted for Barack Obama!

Ok, I have wasted enough time on this truly extraordinary idiot. Back to my football, leftovers and afternoon naps. Happy Holidays to all, but stay on alert...idiots don't even take Christmas off, so beware!

Somebody Please Stop Them!

Ok, you may have heard about the Duggar family of Tonitown, Arkansas who just "welcomed" their 18th child. These people crank one out every year just about this time. Michelle Duggar the perpetual preggo Mom is 41 years old and has spend 11years of her life pregnant.

Folks is it just me...or is this shyt absolutely crazy. At least they find some way to support all the kids and don't seem to be on welfare, but...WTF? They're already talking about kid number 19! I love children and my three kids have been a blessing but I cannot imagine multiplying them by 6 and talking about more. These people are out of their damn minds! I don't care what anyone says or what religious slant they try to put on it. Yes, God said "be fruitful and multiply", but I really don't think he expected just one family to populate an entire state. Makes me ashamed to admit I'm originally from Arkansas!

Maybe we can put birth control medication in the water of Tonitown, Arkansas or something...

Idiot(s) of the Week

Editorial Note: Folks, before you ask about Illinois Governor Rod "Big Pimpin'" Blagojevich...he's hands down Idiot of the Year and ABM will fete him appropriately in a year-end addition.

Now, just when you think you have looked ultimate stupiditity right in the eye (see OJ below), they just seem to make even better idiots. Our honorees this week are a truly exceptional couple...of idiots! They are no other than Heath and Deborah Campbell of Easton, Pennsylvania (wish I had their address because I'd personally lead a protest, because their stupidity must be stopped!) These rocket scientists are so immeasurably dense that they cannot understand why people are disturbed that they named their son (drumroll please) ADOLPH HITLER CAMPBELL!!! I know you think ABM as started drinking holiday egg nog a little early, but I soberly swear this one is for real.

The Campbell family story came to the news because they were outraged that a local bakery refused to spell out their son's full name on a birthday cake. Apparently Mr and Mrs Dipshyt think it perfectly acceptable to tag their unsuspecting kid with a moniker that will have him scrapping for the rest of his life. Just imagine (I know this is probably asking too much from the Dipshyts whose collective IQ is probably somewhere south of that of the earthworm) this kid getting picked on by bullies on the playground. I don't think little Adolph will be getting invited to play groups either. His college applications will probably be shit-canned because admissions officials will think it's a prank. I'm pretty sure that AH will have a hard time even getting a job as a sanitation worker (no offense to those who help to keep our neighborhoods clean, but you get the point).

I hope these ultra-idiots are saving their money because the therapist bills for little Adolph will probably approach $1 million before he even reaches middle school. Yep folks, this one has ABM literally frothing at the mouth. Most sane people wouldn't name their dog Adolph Hitler, not to mention their first-born son.

I often say that we make people apply for a license to buy a dog but allow any fools to become parents...ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I humbly submit Mr and Mrs Dipshyt, oops...I mean Campbell as Exhibit A. Clearly they are guilty of Capital Stupidity and should be terminated so that they don't continue to procreate (their other toddlers are similarly named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell aged 2 in a few months and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell who is 1). They are clearly guilty of infecting the gene pool beyond recovery and must be stopped now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

Folks I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to...

The Shoe is On the Other Foot...

Ok, I admit I laughed my ass off on this one. Some irate Iraqi reporter threw his shoes at President Bush today in Baghdad during an impromptu press conference. Fortunately our President has great reflexes and ducked both of them. While I'm no fan, I still don't like anyone in a foreign country attacking my president. This is the USA dammit...dont' #$%% with us! Let them try that shyt with Obama...and the ABM is geting on a plane with the quickness.

Now if I had been the President getting shoes thrown at him, the headlines would be a lot different:

"US President beats a mutha@#$#@ down in Iraq"

"All American Ass Whipping in Baghdad"

"US President: Once He Threw the Shoe, I Blacked-Out...It Was On and Poppin'"

Idiot of the Week

Folks...this one is just so easy, that it's not even fun. Without fanfare, I will simply announce that this week's raining dumbass is none other than OJ "The Juice" Simpson. Isn't it written somewhere that with age comes wisdom? This guy seems get stupid-er with each passing day. I know his kids have got to be tired of him embarrassing them! I can just imagine their conversation:

Arnelle Simpson: "Uh oh...Dad's on TV again"

Jason Simpson: "Ok, what's his stupid ass done this time to make me wanna take up residence in a monestery"?

Arnelle: "Says something about a stick up in a Las Vegas hotel"

Jason: "Whatever! I told him I'm not coming down to some jail to visit his ass the next time. I'm so sick of him I'm going to change my name."

Arnelle: "But Jason, he's our Dad!"

Jason: "Whatever! Hey, how does Jason Lipschitz sound?"

Arnelle: "It sounds stupid"

Jason: Whatever! Maybe Jason Gotti...at least if I'm going to be named after a criminal, it won't be a dumb one".

There was really no competition at all this week. This guy now stands convicted of FELONIOUS STUPIDITY and sentenced to so many years in jail that folks don't agree on the count (I was pushing for CAPITAL STUPIDITY so we could exectute him so he can't do anything else stupid).

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when they hatched this stupid plan.:

OJ: "Hey man that memorabelia-selling dude has got my shit"

Other Criminal Idiot #2: "For real man? Whatchu wanna do?"

Criminal Idiot #3: "Hey OJ , let's go get yo shit man."

Idiot #2: "Yeah, that's it! We'll bum-rush his ass in the hotel and take yo shyt back"

OJ: "Ok, but what if it's a lot of 'em or they fight back"?

Unidentified Idiot: "It's all good OJ...I'm strapped"

OJ: "Yeah...it's all good."

OK, all it would have taken was one moment of even partial sanity by one of the above mentioned idiots to put the brakes on such a stupid-assed idea. NO...no one in that room had one scintilla of anything remotely resembling common sense. Instead that moment became "the Birth of Stupid"! Now this really pisses ABM off! The stupid #%$$%#$ managed to beat the murder rap (for my money he did it, but that's another topic) so he should have taken his ass somewhere and chilled. Instead each year he gets progressively more stupid. I am truly hoping that prison will put a halt to that tumor growing in his head called stupid. Otherwise, stupid will eventually kill him. Well at least now, if he's stupid there, we don't have to watch it on TV.

Congratulations Juice! You are our Idiot of the Week (and likely frontrunner for the Idiot of the Year award)...you better hope Pacman really comes up with a doozy for his next act...and soon, the year's almost over.

Turn that @#$% music off!!!!!

Ok, this is one that makes the AMB wanna holler everytime I call certain people and hear "Please enjoy the music while your party is reached"! Afterward I am forced to listen to a minute or so worth of inane music while they "reach my party"! This just makes my blood boil. I don't want to hear your music! I have better things to do. My time is valuable so either answer the damn phone or give me voicemail. If I want entertainment I will buy a concert ticket or listen to my own music on my Ipod.

Once friend forced me to listen to 3 minutes worth of "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge"...by the time said friend picked up I was "about to lose my head!" Another friend has inaudible hip hop at about 150 decibels blasting. It sounds more like someone's stuffing T-Pain through a wood chipper rather than any identifiable "music". When they finally do answer they complain that I force them to repeat everything twice because I've gone partially deaf while "enjoying the music".

Grow up people! I can at least understand music if I call my teenager (won't like it but I can understand), but when it comes to 40-somethings it's pretty ridiculous. In fact it makes me not want to call them at all. Worst of all is having to listen to this garbage only to have to leave a message because the "party" is probably too busy searching for other horrible music for me to "enjoy" while I'm losing my mind waiting on them to answer the damn phone. Makes me wanna "reach" through the phone and choke the living @$#% out of my "party". Talk about cruel and unusual punishment. Torture is supposed to be against the law in America, I'm sure that statute covers "Ear Worms" somewhere.

So here's a tip...TURN THAT DAMN MUSIC OFF, because if I am forced to listen to "Murder by Numbers" one more time, I might commit it! I'm already deaf and I've been "pushed to the edge" so...don't give me any ideas