Idiot(s) of the Week

Editorial Note: Folks, before you ask about Illinois Governor Rod "Big Pimpin'" Blagojevich...he's hands down Idiot of the Year and ABM will fete him appropriately in a year-end addition.

Now, just when you think you have looked ultimate stupiditity right in the eye (see OJ below), they just seem to make even better idiots. Our honorees this week are a truly exceptional couple...of idiots! They are no other than Heath and Deborah Campbell of Easton, Pennsylvania (wish I had their address because I'd personally lead a protest, because their stupidity must be stopped!) These rocket scientists are so immeasurably dense that they cannot understand why people are disturbed that they named their son (drumroll please) ADOLPH HITLER CAMPBELL!!! I know you think ABM as started drinking holiday egg nog a little early, but I soberly swear this one is for real.

The Campbell family story came to the news because they were outraged that a local bakery refused to spell out their son's full name on a birthday cake. Apparently Mr and Mrs Dipshyt think it perfectly acceptable to tag their unsuspecting kid with a moniker that will have him scrapping for the rest of his life. Just imagine (I know this is probably asking too much from the Dipshyts whose collective IQ is probably somewhere south of that of the earthworm) this kid getting picked on by bullies on the playground. I don't think little Adolph will be getting invited to play groups either. His college applications will probably be shit-canned because admissions officials will think it's a prank. I'm pretty sure that AH will have a hard time even getting a job as a sanitation worker (no offense to those who help to keep our neighborhoods clean, but you get the point).

I hope these ultra-idiots are saving their money because the therapist bills for little Adolph will probably approach $1 million before he even reaches middle school. Yep folks, this one has ABM literally frothing at the mouth. Most sane people wouldn't name their dog Adolph Hitler, not to mention their first-born son.

I often say that we make people apply for a license to buy a dog but allow any fools to become parents...ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I humbly submit Mr and Mrs Dipshyt, oops...I mean Campbell as Exhibit A. Clearly they are guilty of Capital Stupidity and should be terminated so that they don't continue to procreate (their other toddlers are similarly named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell aged 2 in a few months and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell who is 1). They are clearly guilty of infecting the gene pool beyond recovery and must be stopped now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

Folks I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to...